I love to fish. Every time I head out onto the water, I want to catch a trophy fish. Living on West Okoboji Lake, I'm fortunate to have that opportunity just minutes from my front door. After living in the Iowa Great Lakes for the last 3 years, what I've learned is some of my most memorable days on the water had absolutely nothing to do with catching fish.

Last Friday I volunteered to assist over 80 third graders during a program with the Iowa Great Lakes Fishing Club.  It was truly an inspiring day.  They caught over 300 fish, and I was reminded why I love to fish in the first place. Yes - I want to catch the trophy largemouth bass, musky, or walleye. But I need what fishing provides to my life - experiences with others and engagement with nature.

This distinction raises an important question about how we live our lives: Do we understand the difference between what we want and what we actually need?

A need is something essential to our well-being, security, relationships, or sense of purpose. Needs provide the foundation for a fulfilling life. They include financial stability, meaningful relationships, physical health, emotional security, honesty, belonging, and purpose.

Wants, on the other hand, are things we desire that may enhance our lives but aren't essential to living them well. They often involve comfort, convenience, achievement, recognition, or material possessions.

Neither is inherently good or bad. The challenge comes when we confuse the two.

Looking back on my life my wants were often focused on "more," while my needs were focused on "enough." A lot of time, I had enough and really didn’t need more.

Consider money. Early in my career, I developed a habit of setting aside 20% of my income for savings before considering how to spend the remaining 80%. It wasn't always easy. There were nicer homes, newer vehicles, and other things I wanted. But what I needed was financial security and the freedom that eventually comes from living within your means.

I've discovered this distinction extends well beyond financial decisions.

In relationships, I might want people to agree with me, reassure me, or tell me what I'd like to hear. But what I need are people willing to be honest with me, especially when the truth hurts.

In my professional life, I might want to try something new or pursue another opportunity. But what I need is a sense of purpose. Change alone doesn't necessarily bring fulfillment. Sometimes the answer isn't doing something different but understanding why I'm doing what I'm already doing.

Our wants often promise happiness somewhere in the future. When I buy that house, receive that promotion, reach that milestone, or catch that fish, then I'll be satisfied. Unfortunately, the finish line keeps moving.

There's nothing wrong with ambition, achievement, or wanting something better. In fact, wants can inspire us to grow. But when our happiness becomes dependent upon obtaining the next thing, we risk overlooking what already makes our lives meaningful.  There is also something magical about being grateful for what you already have when it comes to leading a fulfilling life.

I've found one question particularly valuable when evaluating something I want:

"If I get this, what would it actually do for my life?"

Ask it more than once. Perhaps the expensive vacation represents a desire for relaxation. Maybe the promotion represents a need for recognition. The larger home might symbolize security, or simply the desire to spend more time with family. Often, the underlying need can be satisfied in a much simpler way.

As you consider your own life, think about the things you're pursuing. Which are genuine needs, and which are wants you've mistaken for necessities?

Sometimes the secret to a fulfilling life isn't learning how to get everything we want. It's learning to recognize when we already have enough.  And maybe, just maybe, the best day of fishing doesn't require catching a single fish.

Tony Thelen is the founder of The River Coaching and Consulting, LLC, an executive coaching firm based in West Okoboji. He is the author of "Am I Doing This Right?" and "Things We Desire." He works with CEOs, business owners, and executives to remove pain, anxiety, and stress while making room for true personal and professional growth. Contact Tony at [email protected] or learn more at www.therivercoach.org.