Every family has a few phrases that get passed down through generations—little bits of wisdom that settle deeper than we realize. One of mine came from my mother. She used to say, “Make sure the good times outnumber the bad.”

At the time, it sounded simple. Almost too simple. But the older I get, the more I realize she was gently offering a blueprint for living. Not a plan to avoid difficulty—none of us escape that—but a reminder that even a single hard day doesn’t define us. What matters is the broader arc of our lives.

And let’s be honest: sometimes the bad days do pile up. Especially this time of year. The holidays can magnify whatever we’re carrying: the loss of someone we love, worries about money, loneliness, or the quiet pressures we keep tucked away. Some people sail through December; others feel the weight of it.

So what do we do?

My mother’s advice wasn’t about ignoring pain or pretending everything is fine. It was about perspective, and the power each of us has to influence the scoreboard of our own life. If every day is hard, something needs attention. Either the circumstances need to change, or the way we’re seeing those circumstances needs to shift. Both paths require courage, and both lead toward hope.

Here are a few practical ways to “tilt the balance” when a bad day shows up uninvited:

1. Measure the day in moments, not hours.

A bad morning doesn’t have to equal a bad day. You can turn things around at 2:17 p.m. with a walk, a call to a friend, or a quiet cup of coffee. People who seem resilient aren’t avoiding hardship, they’re experts at salvaging good moments inside hard days.

2. Get outside. Even for five minutes.

There’s something healing about crisp air, winter sun on your face, or watching geese skim the lake. Nature resets the nervous system in ways we don’t always understand but always feel. You don’t need a hike, just a few steps toward fresh air.

3. Let someone know you’re struggling.

Not with a long speech. Just a sentence:“Today’s been rough.” Most people are far more compassionate than we give them credit for. And saying it out loud shrinks the heaviness. Pain thrives in silence. Connection weakens it.

4. Do the next small thing.

When life feels overwhelming, shrink the target. Wash one dish. Send one message. Fold one shirt. Small wins generate momentum, and momentum creates relief. You don’t have to reclaim the entire day, just the next ten minutes.

5. Revisit the things that used to bring joy.

Read a few pages of a favorite book. Turn on the song you loved in high school. Watch a movie you’ve seen a hundred times. Familiar joy has power. It reminds you there’s a version of yourself who still knows how to smile.

6. Limit your exposure to comparison.

Social media is a highlight reel, especially during the holidays. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s perfectly staged front porch photo. Put the phone down. Real life happens away from the scroll.

7. Give something away—time, encouragement, gratitude.

Service is one of the fastest ways to lift a fog. Buy a stranger’s coffee. Thank someone who deserves it. Send a note to a person who shaped your life. When you brighten someone else’s day, your own light strengthens.

8. Allow yourself the grace to begin again tomorrow.

This might be the most important one. A rough day doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Don’t drag today’s weight into tomorrow. Let morning be a reset button.

We can’t control everything life hands us, but we can influence the balance sheet. The good days don’t have to be spectacular. They just have to be more frequent than the bad ones. A few minutes of peace. A laugh. A moment of gratitude. A conversation that warms instead of wounds.

That’s how the tally slowly shifts.

So as we head into the heart of the holiday season, remember my mother’s words. Let them land wherever you need them to:

Make sure the good times outnumber the bad.
And on the days when they don’t—hold on. A better one is coming.

Tony Thelen is an executive coach and founder of The River Coaching and Consulting based in West Okoboji, Iowa.  He has a new book called “Things We Desire” that is available on Amazon or any major book retailer, contact him for signed and personalized copies at [email protected]