A teacher once divided a classroom in half and gave every student a simple challenge.

They were handed a sheet of paper with 3 words on it told to rearrange the letters of the first word to create a new word. On the first word, half the room raised their hands almost immediately. The other half stared at their desks, puzzled. Time expired. Many never finished.

They were then asked to do the same with the second word. Same result. One side finished quickly. The other side didn’t finish at all.

By the third word, something interesting happened. Everyone on the “successful” side once again completed the task. But this time, a few students from the struggling side raised their hands too - slowly, tentatively, almost surprised by their own success.

Then the teacher revealed the twist.

During the first two rounds, the room had been given different words. One group received words that were easy to rearrange. The other group received words that were impossible to rearrange, guaranteeing failure, no matter how hard they tried. On the third round, everyone was given the same solvable word.

In less than five minutes, the class experienced a powerful psychological phenomenon: learned helplessness. When interviewed later, the “failed” side of the class felt stressed, self-doubt, and lack of confidence.

What Is Learned Helplessness?

Learned helplessness occurs when repeated exposure to failure - especially failure outside our control - teaches us a quiet, dangerous lesson: “Why try?”

Even when circumstances change…
Even when success becomes possible…
Even when the door is finally unlocked…

We hesitate. We doubt. We stop raising our hand. Not because we lack ability - but because we’ve learned, through experience, that effort doesn’t matter.

Common Symptoms of Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness doesn’t usually announce itself loudly. It shows up subtly, often disguised as realism or self-protection:

• Low motivation or passivity
• Avoidance of challenges or new opportunities
• Quick surrender when obstacles appear
• Self-doubt and negative self-talk
• A belief that outcomes are fixed and uncontrollable

Over time, it erodes confidence, energy, creativity, and hope. In careers, it sounds like: “That won’t work here.” In relationships: “This is just how it is.” In life: “What’s the point?”

What Creates Learned Helplessness?

The conditions that create learned helplessness are surprisingly common:

• Repeated failure without clear explanation
• Systems where effort is disconnected from outcomes
• Inconsistent rules or shifting expectations
• Authority figures who control results but don’t empower choice
• Environments that punish initiative

When people do the “right things” and still lose, again and again, they don’t just lose confidence. They lose agency. And agency is everything.

The Cost of Carrying It Forward

The primary problem for us is learned helplessness doesn’t stay neatly in the past.

We carry it forward into new jobs, new relationships, new seasons of life. Just like the students who stopped trying on the third word, even when success was finally possible, we allow old experiences to write new stories that no longer apply.

Past conditions shape future behavior unless we consciously interrupt the pattern.

Moving Toward Learned Hopefulness

The antidote to learned helplessness isn’t blind optimism. It’s learned hopefulness, or the practiced belief that effort, choice, and learning matter again.

Here are common ways people begin that shift:

1. Name the pattern
   Awareness breaks the spell. Ask: Is this truly impossible?
2. Reconnect effort to outcome
   Start with small, winnable challenges where effort clearly leads to progress.
3. Change the story you tell yourself
   Replace “I can’t” with “I haven’t yet” or “I’m learning.”
4. Control what you can control
   Focus on preparation, response, attitude, and consistency.
5. Borrow belief
   Spend time with people who see possibility before you do. Hope is contagious.
6. Practice raising your hand again
   Tentatively at first. Then with confidence. Re-learning hope is a skill.

The Quiet Invitation

The most important insight from that classroom isn’t about words. It’s about life.

We are all shaped by experiences beyond our control. But we are not condemned to repeat them.

At some point, the word changes. The conditions shift. The test becomes solvable. The only question is whether we’re willing to raise our hand again.

Learned helplessness is powerful, yes, but learned hopefulness is stronger.

Tony Thelen is the founder of The River Coaching & Consulting, LLC, where he works with CEOs and senior leaders to help them live and lead with clarity, purpose, and intention. “The River” is a weekly column focused on practical wisdom for a fulfilling life and successful career. Learn more at www.therivercoaching.com or contact him at [email protected]