We live in a world that is very good at talking to us.

Our phones buzz. Screens glow. Opinions arrive uninvited. Even when the house is quiet, there’s often a voice in our ear: news, podcasts, social media, background television, etc. keeping us company. Or distracting us. Or reassuring us that we’re not missing anything.

Except, sometimes, ourselves.

Last year, I did something that felt a little strange when I first said it out loud: I went on a three-day silent retreat. No phone. No conversation. No books. No music. Just silence. And me.

If that sounds peaceful, I can assure you it wasn’t at first. The first day felt restless and awkward. My mind was still sprinting, replaying conversations, reviewing to-do lists, and inventing problems that didn’t yet exist. It was like shutting off a boat motor and realizing the wake doesn’t disappear right away. 

But then, slowly, something shifted.

As the noise faded, a quieter voice began to show up. Not loud. Not demanding. Just steady. Familiar. My own. And I realized how long it had been since I’d really listened to my own thoughts.

The hardest part wasn’t the silence. The hardest part was relearning how to listen to myself.

What followed was unexpectedly grounding. I saw my life more clearly, both the parts I was proud of and the parts that needed attention. I felt a renewed clarity about what I wanted more of, and what I was ready to leave behind. And perhaps most surprising of all, I felt optimistic again. Hopeful. Not because something external had changed, but because I had finally given myself space to hear what I already knew. 

Here’s the humbling part: none of that wisdom came from outside of me. It was there the whole time.

We all carry an inner voice that knows what matters, what drains us, what fulfills us, and what leads to real happiness. The problem isn’t that we’ve lost it. The problem is that we’ve drowned it out. 

Which brings me to a small irony. If you’re reading this in my weekly column, and I’m about to suggest you reduce the number of advice columns you read… well, I see the contradiction too. Let’s just call this one a friendly nudge rather than advice.

If you’re thinking about goals for the new year, or sensing that something in your life needs to change, here are a few small, realistic ways to begin listening to your inner voice again:

1. Create quiet on purpose. Even ten minutes a day without screens, noise, or input is a start. Silence doesn’t arrive on its own anymore. We have to invite it.
2. Take a walk without earbuds. Let your thoughts wander. You may be surprised what shows up when nothing is competing for your attention.
3. Write without an agenda. A blank page and an honest pen can surface truths you didn’t know you were holding.
4. Notice what gives you energy (and what takes it away). Your inner voice speaks clearly through emotion and intuition, if you’re paying attention.
5. Ask better questions, then pause. Instead of rushing to answers, sit with the question long enough to hear what rises.
6. Reduce the noise just a little. Fewer headlines. Less scrolling. Less advice columns, at least enough to give you time to focus on your own thoughts.

Solitude doesn’t mean withdrawing from life. It means reconnecting with the part of you that knows how you want to live it.

Some of the answers you’re looking for aren’t out there somewhere.  They’re already within you, quietly waiting for you to listen.

Tony Thelen is an executive coach and founder of The River Coaching and Consulting based in West Okoboji, Iowa.  He has a new book called “Things We Desire” that is available on Amazon or any major book retailer, contact him for signed and personalized copies at [email protected] or check out his website at www.therivercoach.org